He Doesn't Look A Thing Like Jesus...

As I sit here and ponder my last, very arduous romance. I attempt to digest where it went wrong and the only logical conclusion I can point to was the beginning. I was sane, cool and calm, seeking clarity with my inner voice: telling me to stop, not move forward, there was something not, "right," with this person that so easily wanted to forge an immediate bond and relationship with you. I was in a good place, a great place, solid in who I was. I let it slip, a momentary lapse in reasoning if you will. It was Valentines Day, and the very thought of romance with an attractive, foreign man, that was seemingly taken by my very presence, made me swoon. His lofty promises of a great life together with my son, where we would forge a partnership and travel the world, was the precise bate needed to lure me into his disingenuous arms. It was the perfect storm: I had been single and slated by men for several years and the things that I needed to hear he was saying, albeit in broken English, the man was smooth. I took it and ran with it. I ran with his ideas about he, my son and myself joining forces and conquering the world together- the idea of being a world traveler was intoxicating to say the least. I believe I was intrinsically born to be an explorer, making my way to a different state and culture at the very young age of 20, where most can barely make their way to a college a few hours away, I made my way to a new life in a place many miles and worlds apart from my small town North Idaho upbringing: Southern California, the melting pot of the Western U.S. I've come to forgive myself for this mishap and since have learned to really listen my inner voice, which has served me quite well since in many, many ways. I have finally learned to trust myself. Pain can make you stronger. Fear can make you braver. Heartbreak can make you wiser.

The World’s Most-Wanted Fugitives — Infoplease.com

I am inviting YOU, yes YOU all to please take 20 minutes of your precious time to view this video or 10 minutes to read the article below the video link. The man you are about to educate yourself on is a kidnapper, murderer, rapist, exploiter of children to a degree that nobody is quite certain of. He is at the top of the U.N.'s Most Wanted List. Here's the problem; nobody knows about him. The U.S. has no vested interested in finding him and imprisoning him behind bars, where he belongs. There is no money that will be accomplished through the capturing of this evil man. The only thing at stake here is the children in Uganda and surrounding countries in Africa.
We all won the life lottery being born in the states - let's take some responsibility and give children in other countries the small benefit of hope for a better life...

http://youtu.be/Y4MnpzG5Sqc

The World’s Most-Wanted Fugitives — Infoplease.com

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Happy Holidays Friends!

Fuel...

Guilty As Charged!!!

I started this blog about a month ago with the hopes of exercising my creative bone (well, the little one I have at least); but have only posted two. I read a friend's blog today and how, 'The blogs will be spaced out because I am very busy with moving, etc.'. I thought, what am I busy with? I mean, yes, I work full-time, I have a 6.5 year old son with more energy than anyone I know; but really I am on and off the Internet throughout the day on the weekends AND practically every night during the week (ok, so I am a bit of an addict-I'll admit-Facebook is my guilty pleasure). Well, the truth be told, I don't always feel I have something, "news-worthy," to write about. I want my blogs to be insightful, witty and fun to read.
Do I write about the fact that I am now,"into" my 30s and that it sounds older than just being plain old 30? That sounds a little narcissistic!
Do I write about the fact that I am elated that the school board approved for my son to be held back in the first grade, and how great this will be for his future? This sounds like an achievement, and most circles would probably look down upon this.
What to write about? This is the question!

Sometimes the past is like an anchor that holds us back, you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be -Carrie

Next weekend is one of, typically, two trips I take home to Northern Idaho to visit my family. When people hear this, the common response is, "Oh! How nice it must be to see them!," the truth is that it kind of sucks. I've been wallowing in my self-pity all week, wondering why, and it finally dawned on me that I am going home in less than a weeks time.
Every time I go home, I slip back into the same roll that I've always played in the family dynamics and forget all of the healing, learning, therapy, conflict resolution tools, etc...basically I feel like I forget who I am and regress back to the self-conscious, victimized child of the past.
Over the past 9 months, I've watched myself become truly transformed. I relate, completely, to the caterpillar-butterfly metaphor. I feel that I have a new lease on life. I was living in the past for a long time. I was hanging onto so many painful memories and living them over and over again. It was truly hell on Earth for awhile in my life. I was specifically hanging onto memories I can directly attribute to my Mother. I am envious to those of you who have bonds with your mothers and are able to share, obtain advice, and really get on a level with your mother. I am also learning to let this envy go too. To give you a greater understanding-I have a difficult time picking out Mother's Day cards. I am not a pretentious person, and I can't pretend with my mother either. Ok, back to the my transformation. Over the past few months I've FINALLY forgiven my mother. I really let it go. I no longer dwell on the past, and if I do, it is only for a moment and does not have the power it once had over me. I've also decided, based on this forgiveness, that I am going to tell my mother that I forgive her. This is going to be nothing short of difficult. I have no idea what to expect nor if my mom is going to cop to, and say, "thank you Andi," or "what are you talking about?"...I don't have an idea...but I do know this-forgiveness isn't about my mom, it's about me and if my friends can forgive me for all of the crap I've put them through, then surely enough I can forgive my mother for what she's done. I feel that part of the process of forgiving my mom is letting her know, and this will be the last step in my forgiveness. Although I may always have to sort through the broken shards of the past, I can now do it without the pain that once accompanied me for a very long, hard time. The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. - Gandhi

What do Newport Beach, Alta Coffee Shop, The Pita Pit and my friend, Krista, have in common?

ME! Tonight I spent some much needed girl time with my new friend, Krista; although it seems we've known eachother forever. Girls- you've all met another lady that you just click with and never run out of things to say, have a ton in common, and just hit it off- it was meant to be! Well, that's Krista, and I feel very blessed to have met her. It's difficult to run across good friends at the age of 30, no school, a single mom, you know the story. Anyhow, our journey started in my car (Krista walked right over, she lives around the corner), then to Alta in NPB, 2 or so hours of chit-chatting later, both stomaches rumbling...viola...Enter stage right The Pita Pit. God's light shone down from heaven (really, no really! lol) and there she was. On Newport Blvd. Finally, I don't have to make the trip to Idaho to enjoy the greatest Pita's known to late night unruly inebriates sobering up after a few pub crawls.