Tuesday, June 19, 2012
As I sit here and ponder my last, very arduous romance. I attempt to digest where it went wrong and the only logical conclusion I can point to was the beginning. I was sane, cool and calm, seeking clarity with my inner voice: telling me to stop, not move forward, there was something not, "right," with this person that so easily wanted to forge an immediate bond and relationship with you. I was in a good place, a great place, solid in who I was. I let it slip, a momentary lapse in reasoning if you will. It was Valentines Day, and the very thought of romance with an attractive, foreign man, that was seemingly taken by my very presence, made me swoon. His lofty promises of a great life together with my son, where we would forge a partnership and travel the world, was the precise bate needed to lure me into his disingenuous arms. It was the perfect storm: I had been single and slated by men for several years and the things that I needed to hear he was saying, albeit in broken English, the man was smooth. I took it and ran with it. I ran with his ideas about he, my son and myself joining forces and conquering the world together- the idea of being a world traveler was intoxicating to say the least. I believe I was intrinsically born to be an explorer, making my way to a different state and culture at the very young age of 20, where most can barely make their way to a college a few hours away, I made my way to a new life in a place many miles and worlds apart from my small town North Idaho upbringing: Southern California, the melting pot of the Western U.S. I've come to forgive myself for this mishap and since have learned to really listen my inner voice, which has served me quite well since in many, many ways. I have finally learned to trust myself. Pain can make you stronger. Fear can make you braver. Heartbreak can make you wiser.